and my own
By Mara ~earth light~ on 2008-11-28 10:53:15
Growing up as a child is never easy, and neither is being a parent. Here are two individuals, on opposite ends of the spectrum, groveling in the dark, and learning on the run. Nobody trains us as parents, but we continue to teach our children what we think is best.
When we have a problem child, we do what we think is right.
But ask yourself: Was what I thought, really right?
Did it work, or did it just make the situation worse?
The child has no say in the matter. What the parent says – goes! So, the child is controlled and not allowed to say anything unless he or she calls for outside help.
It is important to find the right balance between setting ground rules, enforcing discipline and showing a child the love that he or she needs. This helps him or her, blossom in the right way, and grow up to get the best life possible.
If we get it wrong, we can easily affect a child’s adult life and then, he or she repeats those destructive patterns that they learned directly from us.
When we have children of our own, we share those famous words: I am not going to make the same mistakes my parents did. However, we soon learn that we do make those same mistakes.
Do we ever look at ourselves and really ask why our child has a problem?
For me, I was the youngest child and always had to stand in the shadow of my older brother and sister. There was always that pressure to be like them. In addition, before I was born, my mother had a still-born baby boy. I was constantly reminded that, if that boy had lived, I would not be here.
I was also born psychic and my mother could not understand me. I had to fight to get her attention. I tried to get her to love me, but she always rejected me. So, to get any attention, I became the problem child that she constantly accused me of being.
As parents, we are not taught how to parent. We only act based on what we experience, know and feel.
As a child, I needed ground rules, discipline and love, but all I ever got, was discipline. This nearly drove me to end my life. If I had been allowed to be an individual person with my own personality, instead of always been compared to my brother and sister, things would have been much different. I remember so badly wanting my mother to love me for me.
If she had loved me and gotten the balance right, our relationship could have been much different. I would not have become the problem child that she claimed I was.
When children experience sudden behavior changes, discipline is not always the answer. Maybe we should look at why they have changed. Do they have new friends? Are others influencing them? Is something happening to them that we don’t know about?
We need to look at ourselves as parents and question whether it is something that we are doing in handling the child. Most of all, do they feel that we love them? I know from my own experience, all I ever wanted was to be loved.
So whether your children have problems, unusual habits, or invisible friends (like me), first and foremost, honor them, acknowledge them, and let them know that you love them, no matter what!