The Bad Boy Syndrome


It is no secret that women are attracted to a man with a bad boy persona. I have asked more than a few women why this is, and one I believe gave me the most honest and truthful answer of them all. She told me, “Nice guys are boring. There is nothing to change about them.” This blew my mind when I heard it and I responded by saying, “Well God forbid you find a man that you don’t have to change and is already how you want him.” She chuckled and continued to explain that men with a bad boy persona play to the mother instinct in women. A woman wants to nurture and feel as though she is needed by someone, and a nice guy does not provide this aspect to her. A bad boy, however, makes her feel needed and presents her with the challenges necessary to keep her from becoming bored. Please understand, I do not mean this sound like every woman is this way. But it has been my experience that many are.

For the women that continually choose the bad boy type I want to say a few things. I often hear women say, “All men are dogs and treat women badly.” This type of woman also tends to have a very negative attitude about men in general because of the type of men they choose. If you are one of those women, then understand that not all men are going to treat you badly. There is something about the type of men you are choosing that provides you with a common denominator. I have heard many women that have these attitudes toward men say, “They seem nice to begin with and then they change.” This may very well be true, but there is still something that is drawing you to this type of man. My suggestion is to look long and hard at the men you have dated in the past and compare them in the early stages, not so much after they have changed. There will be a common thread that ties them altogether more than likely. Look for a common trait that causes them all to act in the same manner. Once you have determined what that trait is, AVOID it! And ladies, stop discounting the guys that seem to make good friends as possible partners. If you think about it your partner in life should be your best friend in life as well. So if a guy strikes you as someone that would make a good friend, he may very well make you the best partner to. Finally, understand that it is the choices you are making in the type of men you are choosing that cause you to continually end up with the same type of man. By changing how you choose, you will essentially change what you get.

For the men that are the nice guys out there, do not give up. Do not let the frustration of hearing, “You are like my best friend and I don’t want to mess that up”, and “You are like a brother to me”, discourage you into changing who you are. Continue to be true to yourself and eventually you will find a woman that appreciates the fact that you treat her with respect and kindness.

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