Women have abortions for many reasons but whatever the reason and no matter how much they rationalise their decision they can still suffer from guilt and self hatred. This makes healing very difficult. If you are in this situation treat yourself with kindness and make a decision about whether or not you wish this experience to colour the rest of your life.
Why compound an already unfortunate situation by making yourself pay every day for the rest of your life. You will not forget the experience but you can move past it, learn from it and go on to have a healthy, happy life.
There are counselling services available from the centre or hospital where you had your treatment and it would be worth taking up any offer of these services just to give you the opportunity of talking over your feelings with another, especially someone experienced in helping others through what is no doubt traumatic on many levels.
Just for now stop judging yourself and assuming that others are either judging or have the right to judge you. You have made a choice and did the best you could with what you had and knew at the time. That is now the past. You deserve a happy, healthy life.
Punishing yourself does not change the past and robs you of a bright future. It is really important to forgive yourself now. All that pent up emotion and guilt needs to be released. Seek out the help of a local professional to enable you to do this, or if you can, come on a workshop and clear it all out. You may also wish to write an angel letter to the child you did not have.
How to write an angel letter. Start the letter like any other and address it to the baby you lost. Explain why you took this decision. Express all the emotions you feel over this event. Tell them you release them with love to their greater good now and that you are grateful for any lessons that they have brought you. Finish the letter with love and your name. Now leave it for 48 hours and after that time burn it.
This is not like a chain letter it is not for anyone else to read and it does not matter if you destroy it early or later, there are no negative repercussions. know as you burn it that you are now healing from this experience and forgive yourself.
There are some useful meditation CDs around to assist you with this process of healing and forgiveness. I know from years of running sessions and workshops that many women suffer health problems later and difficulty in getting pregnant if they do not release all the hurt and emotion tied in to any decision of this nature. The important thing is to just be willing to allow what you need to come to you and not push away any help that is offered.